Koyaniquatsi

Koyaniquatsi


For the Popi Tribe of the Native Americans, it means Life out of Balance.
I feel I'm experiencing a life out of balance lately. I feel donw and sad letely. It's as if someting in me or out me is not right. Perhaps it's a stage. I really feel worn and tired. It's a miracle I don't jump off a cliff. I can restrain. I love to look down from heights though. Just look.
Anyways, this feeling in me, it seems so heavy but empty. I sometimes go in a state of self-pity then a state of heightening myself thinking I'm better than everyone else. It jumps.
Perhaps I am not venting out. I need to relase. Lately, I haven't been drawing or painting for pleasure. It's all for school. It's draining that I can't make a masterpeice to go realease.
Koyaniquatsi, life out of balance.
I am out of balance.
I am being pushed and pulled by different forces in me.
Hapiness, sadness; beleiving, doubting; right, wrong;
Water, wind; sanity, disillusionment; silence, action.

I need a long vacation.

A long... long... long... long... long one...

a choice, a Pat...

I was watching this movie called Gracie’s Choice in the Hallmark Channel. It’s about a girl with four half-siblings. Three of them she opted to take care on her own. Her mother had different lovers. Each boy has a different father. Her sister and her have different fathers too. The mother is a drug addict who kept going in and out of prison. Her grandmother was there for the time being but soon passed away leaver her no choice but to take care of the three young boys on her own. All had ADHD. She fought her mother in court and raised the boys on her own.

Pat, who was sitting beside me, asked a question. If we were in that situation, would I take care of him?
I had so much pride and told him in my usual pa-effect way, “What do you think, Pat? Maybe if I ain’t got no choice.”
Honestly, I would. Are ya kiddin’ me, boy. I’m already taking care o’ ya as i’ is. The shampooing, feeding and buying stuffs are my little ways to show my care. Sure I nag but in a good way. It’s just to nudge you to clean yourself.

What a Pat! You can see he’s quite worried who’d take care of himself when he can’t. He still can’t. He’s a little boy who just can’t grow up even if he has to. He’ll try to prove how tough he is but deep inside, he’s still a child. That makes two of us.

The Other-abled

We were eating in Jolibee last Saturday. There was this busboy cleaning our table. I noticed he had a pin that said “Deaf Crew.” I hadn’t had the chance to thank him Bacuse he left in a hurry. When we were leaving, we passed by the table he was now cleaning. I made the thank you sign language. He seems to understand and surprised I know how to sign language. Then, stupid Diki (Dichi) pulled me and said. “Stop flirting with the waiter!”
I was not. I explained to her that thank you in sign language looked like making a flying kiss. “Hmph! Still looks like flirting.”
Argh! I don’t flirt… much. I’m just saying a simple thank you.

What’s wrong with other-abled people? They can be very efficient. Plus they can be tax shields. When I have a clothing factory, I will hire other-abled people. They are very efficient because you have boosted their confidence by hiring them. It gives them some worth inside. Working is something that shows them that they are equal with everybody, that they can do something and be sefl-reliant.

Life or a drama

If you thought your life had spice…
Guess again.

Over dinner today, I asked mom and popz something. What happened to me when I was three? I was told and given the impression that I was alone in my grandma’s house for a year or less. I could remember playing only with the driver’s son, Daluydoy (I think that’s his name.)
They said “Huh? What parent would leave one of her five children behind?”
And I said “I don’t know. The aunts said it was because Yaya Jojo didn’t want to come to the Guerrero house so you left me with her.”
“Are you brainwashed? Maits, you were only left at home during Sundays. Other than that, you were with us. We would never leave you.”
That cleared something I kept for 16 years. The good news, I didn’t have a telenovela life. I was never separated at a certain point in my life. The bad news, my life is plain and boring. My aunts told me a strange wacky tale.
Oh well…
Not all people have dramatic lives.

It makes me think. Do we all have ordinary lives? What is an ordinary life?
Modern society states ordinary life is one when your parents are separated and you are on your own. You have cellphone and internet. You play Counter strike or Ragnarok and take E pills.
For some, ordinary life in the boring life. Like mine, I guess. I can say I have a boring life. Nothing’s happening. There’s no controversy, no war, strife, divorce, separation or half-siblings. I can say I have a boring life or I can say I have a good life.
My life is extraordinary because I say so. I didn’t fantasize about being adopted (I wished I were, though) but I fantasized about my ambitions.
My dreams, goals and ambitions are what I consider things that set me apart from other people. It is my way of thinking that makes me unique, not different.

I’m different because I don’t look like you.
I’m unique because I don’t think like you.

A Shawarma from India

There once exists a shawarma from india. She is always confused and acts drunk. Not everybody likes her. Maybe she's misunderstood. This odorous shawarma is very fickle and quite frankly, impossible. These are reasons why the citizens of the univers don't like her. We hope one day she would ripen up or rot out of our lives. For now, we have to bear with her. Hmmmm........... (This is a recording.)

The Ultimate Pat

A lad called Pat needs extra attention. Especially if he has Dyslexia.
A child called Pat needs extra graces. Especially if he hates bath.
A kid called Pat needs extra refinement. Especially if he’s eating like a pig.
A teen called Pat needs extra polishing. Especially if his mouth says the wrong things.
A son called Pat needs extra patience. Especially if he is Pat.

Pat, my ultimate son. I’m practically his mother in the background. Not that Mom and Aks aren't there for him. They are. It's just he needs extra more because he's Pat. (No offence, Pat. You're just a bit too reliant on people.) The little things I do make me look like a martyr but hey! Somebody’s gotta do it. That’s the job of a Piscean.

I went to Divisoria last month shopping for sewing supplies. While walking a busy banquetta, I spotted an old lady screaming at the top of her lungs that briefs were cheap. The price seemed right and I remembered Pat said he needed briefs. So I bought some. “Manang, dalawa nga.” I pointed to the gray ones and she placed then on the plastic bag. She handed me the plastic saying, “Ayan Missis, para sa anak mo.”
What the heck! I played along. “Para sa anak ko.”

As for his dyslexia, it comes with a certain hyper-ness disorder. You can’t give him coffee. We gave him a treat to Starbuck once since it was break. The result, he won’t stop talking the whole night. He’s even literally bouncing off the walls. His knees won’t stop shaking and he’ll laugh at himself and annoy you ‘til you go as crazy as he is.

As for his mouth, it won’t stop talking with or without caffeine. He says the darnest things too. This was the conversation that took place one bright evening at the dinning room:
“I think I’m growing old.” She says looking at the mirror while pointing at her white hairs.
Pat comes and pats mom’s shoulders. “It’s ok mom, God loves you anyways.”
“Oh! You mean to say I look ugly and old?” Mom said outraged.
“No ma, It’s ok. God made you that way. I love you anyways.” He said frankly.
Mom sobs and Pat comforts her by saying more that God made her that way. "It must be true!" Mom dramatically wails.
Oh Pat… You need to know when to say the right things at the right time. They may be good but not at the right time. They may have good intention but they sure don’t sound nice. You also need to know when to make bola-bola --> Especially when it comes to Mom.

Bath time for Pat is the most annoying time of the day. You have to tell him a hundred times and force him in the bathroom yourself. Once a week, I give him a facial plus a head scrubbing. It’s not as easy as you can imagine. We have six cats and they are easier to give a bath. As for Pat, he’d scream as if he was drowning. He thinks of the craziest excuses to NOT take a bath. For him BATH is the scariest time of the day. And if you can force him to take a bath, you have to stand by the door and assure him you’re still there and no monster’s gonna attack him while he’s taking a bath.

Mind you, Pat’s fourteen already.

Mutya ng Tubig

A mutya is a charm. A mutya ng tubig is a stone said to bring forth luck.

Myths and Legends around the world tell tales of a lucky charm, anting-anting if you’d call it. It is believed to bring wealth and power. Fairies, angels, old woman or bodies of water are the supposed carrier and giver of this stone. After the stone of power fulfills its purpose, it disappears mysteriously.

Just a myth? Perhaps. My grandmother told us a tale of a stone of power she found. It was during the perils of World War II. Her mother, her children and her were crossing a shallow stream to get away from the city. There, a shining stone catches her attention. She picks it up from the water and is baffled by it for some strange reason. Her mother tells her it’s a Mutya ng Tubig. She keeps it and after the treacherous war, grandfather’s business boomed. The logging industry and all other businesses blossomed. After five years, the stone mysteriously vanished from her hiding place. The logging industry closed but she lived comfortably until today where she lives as ballroom dancing queen of aged 81.
This did not just happen to one person. In the early days of Marcos’ father, he encountered an old lady who gave him a stone for assisting her. He ate the stone and he grew to power. In his deathbed, he vomited the stone and gave to Ferdinand. His last wish is that Ferdinand would swallow the stone and trust in its power. Thus his rise in turn. But before his fall in the first EDSA Revolution, the stone was reported to be found by a young man.
Still not convinced?
The Stone of Power or Mutya ng Tubig does not just stay in legends. People around the world in different times have immortalized this stone. This stone may come in many forms and even is many uses. Stories like the Arthurian Sword in the Stone, Green Stone from Allah, Philosopher’s Stone and even Darna and Zsa Zsa Saturna. The Stone is immortal. It goes around the world and throughout time perpetually fulfilling it’s cycles of the ups and downs of power. We may as well just watch out for it. >It might just turn up at our very doorsteps.

A mermaid in us

As a child, I've always been fascinated by mermaids. I even dreamed of becoming a mermaid myself.
Recent hubbub in class got me thinking who are mermaids.
Who are mermaids?
A mermaid is a creature of myth and fairytales. She is fabled in stories and legends in numerous cultures.
A mermaid exists is two realms. In the water (represents emotions) and in the air (represents mind).
The fish has its own representation. Fish is the symbol of Christianity. Christ is born under the age of Pisces, goddess of fish.
Half fish and half human, mermaids are a combination of fact and fiction. Fact: humans exist. Fiction: It is attached to a fish. (In other cultures, dragon) The upper torso of the human containst the brain, heart and head. It means we think, feel and hunger. The other half is the fishtales. Instead of a biped, we swim towards our existence.
The divine and humanness are combined in a mermaid. This everlasting icon of mystery is a constant reminder of our duality as humans.
So who are mermaids?
The people who are in touched with thier imaginations. Ones who may be old but are in touched with their inner child. A mermaid is a person who may be misunderstood but knows her direction in life. The mermaid is free in the vast ocean but her dierection is towards the sun, towards the illumination of the sun. Illumination is the key to understanding the truth about our inner mermaids. We can all be mermaids but only celestially chosen people are true mermaids. "Many are called but few are chosen."

Maita

Why do I have a blogspot? Well... Jonabels is very inspirational. She talked me into finally getting a blog.